Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
