I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
