my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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