Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
