Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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