I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
