dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
