If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
