the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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