would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
