THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
