Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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