i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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