why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize