I just threw up on my dentist
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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