you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
