Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
