ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
