How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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