i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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