he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
