he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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