hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
