Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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