im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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