I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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