he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
