We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
