Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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