i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
