1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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