I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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