when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
