and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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