Dual....:-)
now i know why i became what i already was.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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