So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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