Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
