alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
