we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
