my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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