she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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