Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will be naked everywhere
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
