You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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