I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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