So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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