I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
