I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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