You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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