But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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