so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
time to smoke my breakfast
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
