is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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