My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
40s are totally the cure
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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